Many job hunters experience frustration and depression after receiving many rejections (or no responses at all). This is more a reflection of the job market than it is of you.
One of the more common questions, or perhaps I should say laments, I hear is from job seekers facing rejection. Working professionals talk about sending scores of resumes without a single interview. College students mention not getting any on-campus interviews, even while their peers get jobs or internships. I hear frustration, anger, anxiety, and fear as they wonder “what’s wrong with me?”
It may be you, but it just as likely may not be. More importantly, this is normal. Understanding these facets of your job search, and the rejections you’ll face will help you move past the depression and anxiety.
Often, it’s not you so don’t take it personally.
First, let’s understand why it may be you. Job hunting is much like dating in that both sides are searching and it's an inefficient process with lots of rejection. I think I have a lot to offer, but plenty of women have certainly felt I wasn’t right for them.
What if I told you I tried speed dating at a local church and didn’t have a single match? You might point out that an event like that at a church likely attracts more Christian minded women and for all I have to offer I’m just not what they’re looking for (Jesus wasn’t really a big part of Hebrew school). I could go back next week and try again, but my odds wouldn't change much. That’s not to say I’m not a catch (hard to believe, since my mom says I’m cool) but I’m just not a fit for that pool and trying more doesn’t change those odds. On the other hand, if I went to speed dating at a Synagogue, I’d probably do much better.
Religious beliefs shouldn't impact your job search, but something else may. It could be a certification or experience you’re missing. It might be your personality (e.g., Wall Street trading desks of the 1980s often wanted people with a no-holds barred cage fighter attitude and if you didn’t exhibit that it didn’t matter how smart or pedigreed you were). It could just be that you’re not wrong for the job but in the current market there are just many more people better qualified, enough that open positions can hold off for one of the better fits.
If you think this could be the case, try to get feedback. For legal reasons, companies typically can’t give feedback. However, you can use your network to find people in the industry to ask for feedback on your resume or qualifications. A third-party recruiter (meaning not in-house at a hiring company) might be willing to do this. They may know the market well enough to see what’s missing (whether it’s actually missing, or just what’s missing from your presentation of yourself). For example, with the rise of applicant tracking systems (ATS) it could be as simple as not having the right keywords.
Often, it’s not you so don’t take it personally. I remember hiring for a VP of Marketing a while back; this was a senior position in a very strong job market (meaning lots of companies were hiring). I got over 80 resumes in two weeks. For more junior positions I could get a 150. For entry level roles, it would be even more. And in weaker job markets it’s more.
That was years ago; the rise of one-click resume submission increased the number of applicants as well. This means more people are applying to jobs. It also means you’re probably applying to more jobs, so the denominator is higher.
Suppose companies will interview 8 candidates from 150 applicants. If it was random, you’d have a 5% chance of getting an interview. But experience, keywords, and a bunch of other things all make it less than random. The person who is a slightly better candidate is applying to all your other jobs, too. This means if out of the 150 applicants you come in 12th, you’re going to consistently come in 12th and not get any interview even though you’re a highly ranked candidate. Obviously, it’s not exactly the same 150 people, and applicants drop out when they get jobs, but also new applicants join the pool. In other words, there’s a small group of people who get lots of interviews; everyone else just needs to wait for the right opportunity where for this role, their unique background puts them in the top tier and gets them an interview. Alternatively, as the market improves, there are more jobs available and the fixed number of people better than you apply to a smaller percentage of the jobs, so for any job you go from being 12th to 11th to 10th and eventually you’re in the top 8.
A job search looks a lot like an iceberg: highly visible is the job you accepted; not shown, hidden beneath the updated resume, are all the companies that rejected you for each of the roles you did get.
Most importantly, know that you’re not alone. Back in my fraternity at MIT (in the days when we applied with paper resumes and got replies via the post office), the seniors had a tradition of hanging rejection letters outside of their rooms. Some people had a few targeted jobs they applied to, getting a handful of rejection letters and then a job offer. Others, me included, cast a wide net. I filled the wall outside my room with around forty rejection letters-–and that didn't include the companies who didn’t even send me one. But while I may have had the most, plenty of other people would have ten or more rejections. I wasn’t the only one getting rejected. I may have had the most, but that was because I took more at bats than others. Percentagewise, they weren’t necessarily doing much better than I was.
The catch is most people don’t hang their rejection letters for everyone to see. Social media is often compared to a curated window. We see the carefully chosen pictures of these perfect lives, but we don’t see the struggles, the fights, the excessive effort, and everything else behind the scenes that is reality. The same is true for our job search. People tell you or post on social media when they get a job, they don’t announce all the rejections along the way. A job search looks a lot like an iceberg: highly visible is the job you accepted; not shown, hidden beneath the updated resume, are all the companies that rejected you for each of the roles you did get.
Know that you’re not alone.
Finally remember that looking for a job is like looking for your glasses, it’s generally the last place you look. While you might turn down some job offers, companies are more likely to be turning down you as a candidate. That means the majority of your search is you being rejected. As soon as you’re not rejected, your search will likely end (assuming a reasonable job offer). It’s like a reverse-survivorship bias, creating a bias towards rejection.
The above may feel like cold comfort if you’re drowning in rejection letters at the bottom of the iceberg and can’t see the light. Keep in mind the Stockdale Paradox. When facing situations with an unknown timeline, the key is to have tempered faith. It’s important to know there will be a better future, but that the timeline is uncertain. Think about prior times you faced lots of rejection, or times friends of yours did. The vast majority of people eventually get through it and come out ok. (Which is not to say unbruised, since months of no income can impact your savings.) Know that some of it is out of your control, and some of it is in your control. Do what you can to tilt the odds in your favor, and, equally importantly, don’t beat yourself up for the part you can’t control.
It’s critical to learn about corporate culture before you accept a job offer but it can be awkward to raise such questions. Learn what to ask and how to ask it to avoid landing yourself in a bad situation.
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